The menu says escargot and merlot, but your heart says chicken nuggets and OJ. Adulthood has arrived, but your tastebuds haven't yet caught the memo.
If you're cool with that, good 4 you.
But if you're not - we're here to help.
Here's how to order like an acceptable adult, without having to quietly die inside as you eat. 💖
BOSOZOKU HQ (South Yarra)
Your first stop on your trip to refined taste buds; Japanese cuisine! We're going to start things off nice and easy. Here you'll get away with ordering a burger - since Bosozoku does burger bento boxes. Score! 💪
So please, promptly disgard of your McDonald's cheeseburger with no sauce, onions or pickles and get to Bosozoku. Now.
KIN VIETNAMESE (Prahran)
Vietnamese food might sound a lot scarier than your go-to pasta bake, but don't worry - you'll be okay. We'll hold your hand the whole way through.
Let's start off with some Pok Pok rice - 24hr marinated chicken on steamed rice, served with some basic veg. If you're feeling a little more adventurous, sample their skewers or even take a swing at a mini pho cup! Mini means less commitment. We have faith in you. You're growing as a person.
KOBE JONES (World Trade Centre)
Maybe we're pushing it with this one - but everyone likes steak, right? How about AA5+ grade wagyu served on a hot rock for you to self-cook?
It sounds scary, but at the end of the day it's just rly damn good steak served with a selection of dipping sauces. Plus, you're cooking it yourself - so you can have it however you like with absolutely no judgement. You've got this, for sure!
Yuzu fuses the flavours of Japan with the signature tastes of Melbourne - making for an exciting menu that won't test your precious tastebuds toooo much. There's a little lingo cheatsheet in the bottom left corner of the menu too, so you can go ahead and pretend you're a pro. Hope you're taking notes.
They're doing tapas, so if you grab a few dishes with a friend you're 100% going to like SOMETHING. It's a given. Pork or veg gyoza, nori fries, sushi and skewers platters. Easy peasy, (hold the) lemon squeezy?
Malaysian Nyonya cuisine is known for its rich, bold and gutsy flavours. You might be freaking out right now, but you should know - you'll get SO MANY points for trying this one. We've found a loophole in system and located the safest dishes on the menu for you. They'll never know you have the palate of a 5 year old.
Get the Nasi Lemak - it's got coconut rice, a fried egg, sambal, roasted peanuts, fried anchovies and fried chicken. We'll even let you pass on the anchovies, cause we're totally with you on that one. 🙅🏽 You could also just get an omelette or some spring rolls. That would also work.
AGRABA (North Melbourne)
Let's get Lebanese. You can trust us on this one. There's bread, pastry and cheese involved. What could possibly go wrong?
Yoghurt cheese dip with Za'atar served with pita bread, crumbed and fried halloumi, and sambousik jibneh (pastry envelopes filled with fetta and ricotta cheese.) MMMM. Everyone likes cheese - and if you don't, we have literally lost all hope in saving you from your child tastebuds. 😞 Sorry b.
Enjoy your slightly less basic than usual, basic gurl food. 😘